Atlantis

The thing is you feel guilty when you forget someone: it is not exactly like killing that person (that would be reverse-engineering the motto of Princesas, the film), but in a way, it is a bit like that. Erasing them from your short- and medium- term memory, avoiding the thought altogether or just seeing it fade.

I spoke to Patinete the other day, just before he left for China. (Sorry, NdelT, it was a matter of time that someone, for once, went somewhere further than you). I told him that this last time I went back to my home town I definitely didn't have anyone to call. I had my best friend over the years, but even that phone number is out of order (her brother gave me her boyfriend's, but he hang up on me before answering, which is normal, as he doesn't know me). It even surprised me that I didn't want to call anyone else: not my first ex-girlfriend, none of my school or high school friends... No one would smile and say, "hey, it's you, it's been a long time, come in" but rather... "is that you? how come?".

Good news is... that is just fine.

I do not really miss most of those friendships. They were all the sort of friend you can never fully relax with... those people that do not really want you to be you, but some sort of other, better version of you in some sort of way. In a way or another, they are all gone now... even the ones that were great have changed.

Those people do not exist anymore.

And yet, I feel I miss two other non existing people again. I do not know why now... It has been a while now since I can say for sure that I am absolutely not in love with any of them. And yet I miss the people I loved. And yet what I feel for who they are now is not melancholy, or love, or anything like that. I was so lucky... should I have pushed it further?